The Duloxetine Process – Weaning off strong antidepressants

Depression, Help for sufferers, Insomnia, Medication advice, Posts, Withdrawal Syndrome

I know its been a while since I last posted. We were moving house and getting our lives together, and then things just went even more south than they already were. This was back in November. Fast-forward past Christmas and here we are, five days after an appointment with my new GP, and 17 days until my birthday. I’e got a trip booked for my birthday; a 3- day visit to Edinburgh with my partner and my mum. I’m really excited, but if I am anything like I have been for the past few months, then it really isn’t going to be a fun experience.

The Problem:

For a while now (a good 6 months or so), I haven’t been sleeping. And I mean, not just ‘oh no it took an hour to go to sleep last night,’ but more like ‘ oh no its 7am and my partner is getting up for work, and I still haven’t been to sleep yet’. It literally took the ENTIRE night for me to calm down enough to sleep, and then, as if by magic, I would sleep all day.

I’m still none the wiser as to what caused it. I’ve been through every possible scenario and cut things out of my life one by one, but still, nothing has worked. Until now.

What I changed :

Heres a handy little list of all the things I’ve done this year to try and help…

  • Reduced caffeine, only drank it before 12 noon except for the odd cheat day.
  • Reduced sugar consumption.
  • Tried to see the morning sun where possible (this reduces melatonin levels during the day, which makes you more awake, and in turn, increases levels at night when it is dark, making you sleepier).
  • Get more exercise during the day (where possible).
  • Increased veggie consumption as much as possible and reduced everything I have an intolerance to (mainly meat and dairy).
  • Completely cut alcohol (I wasn’t much of a drinker anyway, due to my meds).
  • Aimed to be in bed by a decent time every night.
  • Opted for a bath or shower before bed instead of during the daytime.
  • Eat earlier in the evening and give a lengthy time to digest before bed.
  • Reduced screen time before bed and avoid picking up a book (I would literally read the whole thing in one night and then wonder why I was still awake).
  • Changed GP practices.
  • Got new pillows.
  • Stopped drinking Pepsi Max (our family has a bit of an addiction to it, and it was only recently that I realised it contained quite a lot of caffeine – definitely more than I expected.)
  • Went completely vegetarian.
  • Switched to a Chicory and Barley drink instead of coffee, and rooibos tea instead of normal tea (these taste the same but are completely caffeine free, as opposed to decaffeinated products, which still contain trace amounts).
  • Tried bedtime meditation.

Despite making me a healthier person, none of this solved my sleeping. Fun times. Several days ago, I realised it might be a side effect of my antidepressants, but only after I’d noticed a change during my withdrawal process.

The turning point:

I ended up in A&E just before Christmas, and was given a crisis team number to call if I felt suicidal. Hint: I felt suicidal pretty much every day, so this was pointless. However, in the first week of January, I had an accidental shortage of antidepressants. I ended up waiting 3 days before I could get hold of any, and at this point, I was severely suicidal. I rang 111, but they transferred me to the crisis team rather than getting me an emergency prescription. Although I was suicidal, I wasn’t a danger at that point, as my partner was there to look after me. What I needed was a dose of my meds. In the end, I sorted it out, but calling my crisis team actually triggered my GP to get in touch and discuss changing my medication altogether .

A week later and I was booked in for an appointment (she did try to get me in sooner, but I was a mess and it took me a while to call her back- oops!).

We decided together that being on two different high doses of antidepressants per day and no pain relief was a stupid mistake; and that I should really try pregabalin, as at this point, the benefit of taking it would outweigh the cost of the side effects. However, this meant that I also had to wean off of one of my antidepressants. She sent me away with a new dose of pregablin and a half dose of duloxetine.

The plan:

Weaning off duloxetine is notoriously difficult. The side effects of taking it are awful, but the withdrawal syndrome is a hundred times worse. It is one of the hardest antidepressants to get off.

I have been on it for 3 years.

My doctor had told me to cut it down by half immediately, and stay at this level for a while, however I knew that the side effects would be too harsh for me (I’ve had a few times in the past where I ran out and only took half a dose, and within the day I was feeling awful).

Instead, I decided to reduce it in quarters.

The process:

So far, I have reduced once; from my original 80mg to 60mg. This has meant, however, that I’ve had to open up the capsules and separate out the teensy tiny little duloxetine balls inside. If you have ever looked inside one of these capsules, you will know just how difficult this is.

I recommend using a plate, tray, or bowl to catch the balls should they escape (trust me, they have a life of their own).

You can either count them out individually (a difficult task) or, if you are lazy and can’t be bothered to waste half an hour every morning, visually estimate approx. half the balls. Note: if you are very sensitive, this might not work for you. Micro scales, which you can order online, may help you get a more approximate dose, without wasting time every day. Once you have removed what you need to, put the remaining balls back into the capsule, seal it, and get rid of the rest. Make sure the leftovers are put in a medical waste bin, as they are toxic and can hurt wildlife (or your own pooch if they lick them up from your kitchen counter). 

Now, how much should you be reducing by? Here is my quick (ish) guide…

Step 1: figure out a plan with your doctor. Do not, under any circumstances, withdraw from duloxetine without first talking to your doctor. They can give you a plan which will suit you, but don’t be afraid to extend it if it sounds too quick for you. Please also consider that, like my GP, your doctor will probably prescribe you something to help ease your symptoms. In my case, this was pregabalin, and it has been working surprisingly well.

Step 2: Set yourself a personal schedule, as to when and by how much you will be reducing. This is important to prevent you from relapsing to your original dose and also making sure you don’t make your body even more ill by stopping too fast. If, like me, you are a creative type, you might choose to make a pretty looking planner or poster to remind you, but don’t worry if not. A simple post- it note outline will suffice.

Example:

My plan:

full dose= 80mg, cut by 1/4 each time (20mg).

>Friday 10th Jan, 1st change= cut by 20mg to 60mg 

>Maintain dose for a week or until comfortable

>Friday 17th Jan,  2nd change= cut by 20mg to 40mg (half dose)

>Maintain dose for a week or until comfortable

>Friday 24th Jan, 3rd change= cut by 20mg to 20mg

>Maintain dose for a week or until comfortable

>Friday 31st Jan, 4th change= stop completely

Step 3: Start the process as soon as possible. Follow your plan as closely as possible, but try and be flexible too- if you feel like you are going too quickly, i.e; you have withdrawal symptoms that are uncomfortable, reduce by a smaller amount and extend your waiting time.

Remember, this is a very intense process that you may find difficult at some points. It isn’t your fault by any means, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Keep the communication with your doctor open and tell them immediately if your symptoms worsen. The chances are your body just needs a little bit longer to adjust.

Step 4: at the end of the process, celebrate! For me, I have my Edinburgh trip booked. This coincides nicely with my end date, but I have to remember that my body may need a bit longer to accept the changes, therefore I am planning an alternative reward to keep me going if I am not done by then. This can be as simple as buying yourself that cute top you’ve been wanting, or whatever you may feel motivates you the most. After all this hard work, you definitely deserve it.  For me, it will be a much- needed new pair of jeans, and a complimentary bar of chocolate!

Where I am at now:

My sleep still isn’t perfect. I am still sleeping in late and it still takes me about an hour to go to sleep, plus last night I didnt sleep until after 4am. The pregabalin makes me drowsy, which helps a lot, but until I have completely weaned off, I do not expect to be completely better. I have always struggled to sleep, so I reckon I always will.

However, I have successfully slept three nights in a row, and even though I still suffer from ‘some’ insomnia, I already feel significantly better. The best bit? It’s only been five days since I did my first reduction.

I hope to start up blogging properly again soon, if not straight away; but this time I won’t make any promises. If it happens, it happens. If not, I can’t blame myself. I would like to write some more about pregabalin, duloxetine, citalopram, naproxen, codeine, and all the other meds I’ve tried, plus some more info into support animals, so keep an eye out if you’re interested in those.

Let me know what you think- are you planning to do this, or have you had your own withdrawal experiences before? I’d love to hear your experience, and you might even be able to give me some advice for mine. I will eventually be coming back to this post to tell you all how it went, so I will publish any good ideas you have and give credit to you guys.

Lost of love as always,

Ellie x

The Role of Service Animals

Coping Strategies, Help for friends, family, and significant others, Help for sufferers, Posts

As you probably already know, service animals are truly an asset to our society. Search and rescue, airport security, plus the ever faithful guide dogs for the blind, in fact, there’s even a canine department for the police- but you know that, right?

The thing is, we know that animals, and dogs in particular, can be very useful in helping us humans out when we need it most. Well, today I will be talking about a few specially trained animals who can help out chronic illness sufferers, including a few, uh.. more unusual species that can help.

The ‘Standard’ Service Dog– If you suffer from debilitating symptoms which make your day to day life difficult to do alone, you may find it helpful to get a service dog. Nowadays, most service dogs are trained to carry out simple household tasks that you would otherwise find difficult. For example, if you struggle to bend over without pain and stiffness, your service dog can help you by retrieving things from low surfaces, doing basic sorting and tidying tasks, and even loading and unloading your washing machine. Dogs such as these can be trained to use special grips in order to open doors and cupboards, as well as being able to identify the objects you require. One of my favourite clips from the internet shows a guy who has trained his dog to fetch him beer from the fridge- although very lazy, this is a brilliant example of how service dogs work.

Emotional Support Animals- Sometimes your illness might be less physical, and more mental. Or maybe the symptoms of your illness, whether physical or otherwise, are difficult to cope with emotionally. In these cases, an emotional support animal may help. Any animal can be a service animal, but usually, dogs take the lead.

Take Drew Lynch, for example. He is a brilliant comedian who suffers from a neurogenic stutter following an accident in his 20’s. You might know him from his 2015 appearance on America’s got talent, or, like me, through his Youtube channel. He has an absolutely beautiful support dog called Stella, who often appears in his sketches and videos. Stella helps Drew simply by being there (and occasionally telling him how stupid he is). As an emotional support dog, it is stella’s job to identify Drew’s triggers as they take effect, and to make sure her human partner doesn’t get too stressed out over it (as well as helping him out if he does).

Often, anxiety can make your symptoms more prominent, which can be uncomfortable and in turn potentially make your anxiety worse. It is an unending cycle which can eventually cause major problems to your health and wellbeing. Having a support animal, however, can help you to identify your problem early on and manage it before it becomes too extreme.

Therapy Animals- There is a third category of support animals which offer support without any training being required. For someone with no access to a professional service animal, this may be the way forward. Potentially any animal can work as a therapy animal, but the majority are usually of the small and fluffy variety.

There are actually services available in which you can sign your pet up to be a therapy animal, meaning that they can visit hospitals and care centres and provide comfort for those in need. Often, care homes for the elderly arrange for various different animals to come in, in order to provide a sensory experience for the residents. I’ve even heard of shetland ponies doing rounds in children’s hospitals.

There have been endless studies into the role of animals as therapy, and it is widely accepted that petting a purring cat or cuddling a dog greatly increases endorphins such as the happy hormone serotonin and the love hormone oxytocin. Furthermore, it has been proven that not only do you feel this, but the same process happens to your pet, too. It’s a win win situation.

For me, my animals have always helped, especially Carmen, my 10 year old Albino Corn- Snake, who is surprisingly relaxing to hold. She likes to sleep in my jumper too, which is, admittedly, a love it or hate it experience. She’s a bit like marmite, apparently.

Anyway, what I really want to tell you about, and what I have probably mentioned a few times before, are my very first self-owned furbabies, Cleo and Layla. My partner and I decided a year ago that we would get a kitten, and after my mother in law mentioned her friend’s new litter, we got very excited. Cleo and Layla’s mum is a farm cat who keeps getting pregnant before her owner can spay her, thus, the kittens needed a home asap. After plenty of deliberation, we decided that two was better than one, and haven’t looked back since.

Our kittens are pretty much inseparable, and spend the majority of their time trying to swindle their way onto my lap (I don’t complain). Needless to say, I checked off the therapy cat idea. However, they have surpassed my intentions, and now actively try to support me. It is as though they have accepted me into their pride to the point where they can identify my mood before I do, and, the best bit, they try their best to help when they see that I am upset. Both cats, but Cleo in particular, will force their way into the room if they hear me crying, and know a few verbal commands, which they obey.

One year on…

Depression, Fitness, Lifestyle, Pain, Posts, Update, Work

It has been just over a year since I last wrote a post, and, in that time, a lot has happened. You might have known that I dropped out of university last year, following a dip in my health over the autumn and winter. I had a bad experience living in university halls and ended up moving into a rented house with my partner. Shortly after, I realised that university wasn’t for me, and officially finished just after Christmas. Around the same time, I had a few new additions to my medication, a couple of emergency trips to A&E, and a major loss in my social circle.

Having lost most of my friends upon leaving university, and generally having most people ghost me due to my fibro, I was left with barely anyone to talk to. The rest of my social circle is either too far away, or just doesn’t really care.  Luckily, I still had my best friend in the form of my partner, Joe, but other than that, I was incredibly lonely.

Well anyway, I decided to take the advice I had been given, and find my company elsewhere. On mother’s day, I became a mother myself.. to two gorgeous little kittens, Cleo and Layla. As therapy animals, I am allowed to have them in rented accommodation, even if it is otherwise not pet- friendly. As my GP had advised it, my Landlord said it was okay.

20190703_161451

Cleo and Layla have literally kept me alive this year, and have been there for me constantly. In fact, they are currently perched on the end of my bed, sleeping as I write up this post. I will definitely be writing more about them soon, as I have been planning to do a service animal post for over a year now and, to be honest, I could ramble on about my fur-babies for hours.

This isn’t the end of my story though, as there has been a lot more that has happened this year.

Joe has settled nicely into a job now, and we have, just about, got a steady income. However, since I can’t hold down a job, we have had a rough time with money troubles this year, too. At one point, we couldn’t even afford a weekly grocery shop, and Lidl seemed expensive. All things considered, we needed to cut down on our expenditure. It’s now nearing the end of our (quite expensive) tenancy, and so our miraculous plan was to move house, to somewhere cheaper. Funnily enough, the house we found is only 12 doors down from where we are now, is even more beautiful, and is £250 cheaper per month (bargain). I’m hoping that these savings will give me the opportunity to start up my own craft shop, and slowly but surely help us to progress.

Over the last year, I also gained a lot of weight. Having dropped out of university, I suddenly wasn’t walking to lectures on a daily basis, and having Joe’s car meant I didn’t have to walk anywhere else, either. As useful as it is to not be losing as much energy over travel, it also meant I wasn’t burning off as many calories, and these started to build up. Over the space of the year, I went from 9 stone to 13 stone, gaining almost half my original bodyweight in fat. Not only is this unhealthy, it made my fibro more difficult to cope with, and made my self esteem plummet even further. It wasn’t until I had to care for the kittens, and started to form a daily routine, that I started to lose it again. Since August, I have now dropped back down to 11 stone, and I am hopeful that I will continue to lose some more.  Before the kittens came along, I spent nearly every day in bed, and only got up for a few hours a day, when joe came home in the evening. I felt that I had little to no reason to exist, so would hide under my duvet all day, feeling poorly. This went on for months, hence why I put on so much weight.

Note to self: hiding under the duvet doesn’t work for more than a day or so. Eventually, you have to come out.

Thats not the only trouble I had this year, either. Say hello to my nasty little friend, insomnia. Although I have always struggled to sleep at night, it has now reached ridiculous levels. I used to need between 1 and 4 hours to go to sleep, but now, I can be still awake when joe gets up the next morning. It doesn’t happen every night, but still occurs several times throughout the week, leaving me to oversleep through the day and make the cycle even worse. Fun.

I am in the process of applying for CBT, and I am also thinking of asking my GP about sleep medication. For now though, I am completely avoiding caffeine, going to bed early, eating healthily, and trying to get as much fresh air and exercise as I can during the day. I am looking forward to moving soon, as it will give me the opportunity to be more active around the house, as we will be packing, unpacking, decorating, and sorting the garden, most of which I will do whilst Joe is at work. Hopefully, this will help me to lose weight and sleep better too, fingers crossed.

For now, I would love to get back into writing on this blog, as I realised today just how much I have missed it. Keep an eye out over the next few weeks for some more posts, as I will definitely be writing again now I have written this.

Let me know if you have any questions or advice, I’m always open to comments and love to hear feedback!

Bye for now 🙂

 

Explaining your chronic illness to children

fibro fog, Help for friends, family, and significant others, Help for sufferers, Lifestyle, Pain, Posts

I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that one of the hardest parts about having fibromyalgia (aside from the obvious) is being able to communicate what it means. Usually, people get the gist if you compare it to something more ‘normal‘, like being hit by a bus, for example. When it comes to kids, however, it gets a bit more complicated.

I find that, being the “cool” and “fun” auntie that I am *winks*, it gets difficult to tell children why I can’t play or pick them up or run around all day. It’s particularly heart breaking when you notice that they stop liking you as much. In general, though, I find that kids are very accepting of me being ill, it’s just a case of explaining why I don’t get better.

Here’s what I have found out:

1. Children struggle to understand long term illness.

If I tell my niece I am poorly, she gets it, but she expects me to ‘get well soon’ (as she wrote on the adorable card she had drawn me one time). It is difficult to explain that this won’t happen, so I try to make it easier by explaining from the start that I always feel like this. Don’t forget, it can be quite distressing from a child’s point of view, to be told that your grown up friend is always unwell- I’ve occasionally been asked by kids if I am dying, or if I am sad. Obviously this is not the case, but it might look like it to them. To help with this, I make it clear that when I am tired, I might look grumpy, but it doesn’t always mean I am, and that otherwise, I am perfectly healthy. Don’t be afraid to repeat this, as children often forget these things, and may not remember that you are okay.

2. A magic kiss or rub doesn’t make it better, but it’s cute that they try.

When my niece gives me a hug to make me feel better, it is important that I say thank you, and let her know that it cheered me up. It might not make my pain go away, but the fact that she tried is nice, and she deserves a thank you for going to the effort to make me feel better. Seeing a positive outcome will also teach her that she is doing the right thing, and being nice to someone really can help a little bit, even in the worst scenarios. This is a lesson that will keep her going throughout life.

3. Being responsible for a child is just as mentally draining as it is physically.

I know that my brain will struggle to keep up with a child’s fast pace, and I have to remember to take a break every now and then, so that I don’t wear myself out. A good way around this is to tell your child that you need a nap, they will leave you for a good half an hour to get some ‘me’ time, as far as I’ve learnt. Kids are very understanding about being tired, since they also need plenty of sleep, and I tend to find that they have no issue with letting you (pretend) sleep. You must also consider that the responsibility you hold for that child is important, so if you do feel like you can’t handle the situation, get another adult to step in whilst you take a break.

4. I’m not as strong as most people my age/size/gender, so I can’t pick them up.

Depending on the ‘format’ of your child, they might be a little on the large size, but still want picking up (i.e; a 5 year old who wants you to play). Since I am a petite 5.2″ female, I struggle with anyone over the age of 4, since they can get rather heavy. I let my niece know this, and she understands that although she is allowed to sit on my knee, I am not strong enough to pick her up all the time. She then runs to her uncle and asks him instead (teehee). Occasionally, she forgets this, but a brief “sorry, I’m not strong enough, why don’t you ask …….. instead?” does the trick.

5. I’ll be sacrificing my whole week if you ask me to baby sit for the day.

I don’t like confrontation, and sometimes, I just can’t say no. However, I know it is important to remember that you do have the right to say no whenever you like, and especially if it will effect your health. As a rule of thumb, I won’t babysit for anyone for more than a few hours, since I know that it will leave me drained. If I have to, I make sure I have the help of another adult, who can take over when I can’t. If a child asks me to spend time with them, I generally give them about an hour or so before telling them I have important adult stuff to do. Remember, it is important to spend time with the children in your life, but don’t over do it if it will make you ill. Likewise, don’t be mean to them, a simple explanation will work just fine.

I hope this helps you to explain your situation to the children in your life, whether they be your own or someone else’s, and for any parents out there, don’t forget to think twice before asking a friend to babysit. It might not be as easy for them as it is for you.

Don’t forget to comment if you have any tips for childcare with chronic illness, and let me know if this post was helpful at all- I love to hear your feedback.

See you soon, guys.

Travelling with illnesses: what I was told.

Help for sufferers, Posts, Travel, Travelling with illnesses series

So I’ve got an apology to make. I haven’t posted anything in over two weeks. This is partly because I have been suffering (more on that soon), but also because I’ve been jetsetting.

For the last two weeks, I’ve been in a beautiful little country called Laos, making an attempt to help those less fortunate than me. Not only has it been one of my lifelong goals to travel, but spending time there helped me to improve who I am as a person, and truly push my limits to the max.

Of course, traveling with fibro, or indeed any other chronic disability, can be a bit of a challenge. Whether it be the plane journey, the climate differences, or the new activities; travelling can be a pain (literally!).

Throughout the next week, I’m going to be sharing a little about what I did over in Laos, along with giving some helpful tips for you to remember the next time you’re abroad.

In the meantime, here are a few suggestions I was given whilst away, that you might like to try out for yourself…

1. Be mindful.

I was told that one of the most important parts of looking after your body involves being able to listen to what it has to tell you.

Next time you have a quiet five minutes, get yourself comfy and listen. Start by breathing slowly and deeply, counting your breaths and feeling your body relax as you do. Then, focus on each part of your body, starting at your toes and working up to your head, and allow yourself to feel what’s going on there. Forget about your stress, forget about the outside world, just focus on you. Once you reach the top of your crown, allow your mind to accept and then let go of those feelings, and then concentrate back on your breathing.

This time, try and empty your mind, and allow any new thoughts, feelings, or worries to float through your mind and be let go. Spend a few moments like this, allowing your mind and body to relax and push aside any mental or physical problems for the moment.

2. Get a massage.

Sometimes, having a massage can really help you to relax, and what better way is there to treat yourself than to soothe your body and ease any achy muscles? Next time you have some spare cash, book yourself in to your local spa; or if you prefer to spend a little less, get a close friend or family member to spend some time with you for a pamper evening, where you can help each other.

3. Try yoga.

Personally, I haven’t had the chance to properly test this one out yet, but loads of people have told me that it is worth the effort.

Start simple and spend five minutes each day stretching out your body and focusing on breathing exercises. As you adjust, build up your routine to focus on longer, more complicated yoga positions. If you need inspiration, just try searching your fave social media for some yoga advice, as it is a popular hobby that is widely available online.

Do you have any advice you’d like to share, or an idea to try? Or, maybe you have something to say about what I’ve shared? Let us know what you think in the comments below, and don’t forget to like and share if you enjoyed this read!

Thanks guys!

My latest obsession

Posts, Uncategorized

So I have a confession to make…

I have a bit of an addiction to houseplants. They’re pretty, easy to look after, and university friendly. What could possibly go wrong? Well…

Here’s the thing: having fibro means that you often do silly things out of boredom, and very easily create obsessions to occupy the time when you’re stuck in bed. I got a bit of an obsession with all of the pretty houseplants that I’d seen on Tumblr and Pinterest, and it got a slightly out of hand. Every time I saw an interesting plant, I had to buy it. I spent a FORTUNE.

It doesn’t make it any better that I miss my animals whilst I’m away at university, so I’ve replaced them with a windowsill full of greenery (well I had to find SOMEWHERE to put my affections, right!?). Having plants gives me something to do when I feel well, and something to look at when I’m not. The best bit is that you can choose plants that rely on very little water, so that you don’t have to spend too much time on maintenance, especially when you’re poorly.

Anyway, house plants are pretty good for fibro sufferers (much easier than a dog) and also for tenants who aren’t allowed pets, but they can get pretty expensive. I daren’t tell you how much I’ve spent perfecting my windowsill!

If you fancy starting your own collection, look into buying cacti, succulents, and other common houseplants that require low maintenance. You can pick them up from all over nowadays, most of mine are from my local Lidl supermarket, and I’ve even got a few from the carboot. If you want a good deal, look out for the plants that look a little bit worse for ware. As long as they still have healthy growth and aren’t too far gone, you can usually bring them back to life. My favourite part about that is that the shop usually wants rid of the ones that aren’t doing well, because they are less likely to sell, so you can normally get them at a reduced price.

My favourite plant from my own personal bunch is a spider plant. It fills out the space in my room and, best of all, sprouts loads of new growths. This means that I can snip them off and pot them up, thus giving me loads of new little ones (yay!). I’m currently waiting for my ten spider plant babies to grow a little so that I can pot them nicely and send then as gifts to the people I love.

Let us know if you have any interesting hobbies that are fibro friendly, because it’s great to have an obsession when you’re stuck in bed feeling low. Also, if you have any houseplants that you care for, I’d love to hear your advice. Last but not least, don’t forget to like and comment so I know I’m posting the good stuff!

Five things I don’t need to worry about (but do anyway).

Depression, Help for sufferers, Posts

Keeping this short and sweet, here is my take on five things that most fibro sufferers will worry about at some point (but have no reason to).

1. Going out by myself.

I went through a stage last Christmas where I fainted quite a lot. I put this down to either medication, stress, or some unknown co-morbidity. Regardless, it became an issue. I couldn’t go outside without a friend or family member because I worried that I might faint. This anxiety got so bad that it caused panic attacks. I’m much better now, but I still worry when I am by myself in public.

2. What will happen if I choose to stop my meds?

I take a type of SNRI antidepressant which has a dual effect in dulling my pain and lifting my low mood. Unfortunately, these types of drugs can cause serious addictions and, if I choose to come off of them, I will have severe withdrawal symptoms. Don’t worry, I’m not an addict and I don’t have a drug problem, however my body sometimes becomes unresponsive to the drug, meaning that I have built a tolerance for it. Unfortunately, this is a common marker in predicting future cases of withdrawal syndrome. On the plus side, however, there is plenty of support available and my doctor will ensure that I withdraw as smoothly as possible.

3. What if people just think I’m lazy?

I can’t deny it, I sometimes feel like I’m just a lazy, unmotivated hypochondriac. If I think that, then what must others think? To an outsider, fibro must seem really stupid, and I’ve had loads of people judge me to be lazy (even some really close friends!). Unfortunately, it turns out that I’m not just bluffing my way out of hard work, however I’ve had way too many people comment otherwise. From overly personal queries about my finances to judgmental references about being ‘bored’ or ‘lonely’, I’ve heard it all. All I can say is this, I do get bored and I do get lonely, but I can’t really do much about it when I have no way of getting out of bed. And when it comes to finances, well, I’d be the first to jump up at the opportunity of a job, except I can’t jump up in the first place. At the end of the day, though, it doesn’t really matter as long as I am content and not harming anyone.

4. Fibro will stop me from getting a job.

Like I’ve just said, I would love to have a job. It would keep me busy, it would keep me fit, and it would keep me motivated. Most importantly, however, it would mean that I have enough money to live off. As it stands, there aren’t any jobs which are flexible enough for my disabilities. I’d like to be able to explain this to all of those judgemental people out there who have had something to say about my current lifestyle, but nobody really wants to listen. Therefore, I’m currently working towards getting a job which will be suitable, hence why I have started this blog. At the moment though, I need to get my game face on.

5. The people who matter to me will be scared away.

Well, what can I say? Over the last year I’ve had a big change in friends. Not only is this due to leaving for university, but also because those who I thought were there for me when it mattered most weren’t. On the other hand, I’ve built a beautiful family out of those who did stay, and even found my wonderful boyfriend, who has always been there for me despite the circumstances.